


Confused a Lesson for a Soulmate

by dandelionparasols



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, EXO OTP, EXO Ships, M/M, kaihan, kailu - Freeform, lukai - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-24 03:43:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6140474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dandelionparasols/pseuds/dandelionparasols
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These may be some of what we are overlooking as lessons in life:<br/>do not build homes in other people,<br/>and as with Math, be careful with the signs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning is the End

**Author's Note:**

> This is a couple of one-shots that are not necessarily related to one another.

Lu Han lets his feet sway over the freshly-mown grass as he sits on one of the seats of the white swing on the city square. Glancing down, he inhales the freshness of the night air and exhales ever so inaudibly, or so he hoped. It was more of a profound sigh, but he was chary not to make it look so.

 

Jongin stands leaning against the maple tree, with a vacant expression up at the sky. He seems to be looking for something up at the firmament but the truth is that he is rummaging profoundly into his thoughts for words to say. He notices the heavy sigh, but refuses to make it look so.

 

The distance between them is quite tiny, but their feelings are, in truth, drifting apart from each other like wisps of smoke wafting separately. They do realize it—but they do not have a clue as to why. More importantly, they do not know how to stop the bond from shattering into minute unattached pieces.

 

They made the sweetest promises to each other on a starry, summer night; but this is a cold evening and the stars have vanished from view.

 

Both are there to end it all but both are afraid to hurt the other. If only there was some way they could still determine if they still have feelings for each other—any clue from the universe that they were meant to be. But tonight, the sky is empty and there is no way to ascertain what is written in the stars.

 

And so without further ado, they rise and turn their backs on each other, each breaking away, for they know only too well that actions speak louder than words.

 

If only they grasp the muffled sound of both of their hearts breaking, as it hurt both to know they are falling apart. And if only they realize that as they stop looking for some sign, a shooting star darts across the sky…

 

 

_It’s like a lesson in Math, they say, that may apply in all other things in life: be careful with the signs._


	2. The In-Between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Themes: sex, semi-angst

_He was the boy with the disappearing act._

 

Lu Han had remarked about how immensely different days and nights were. Jongin only scoffed and said it was a known fact. If he had dug a little deeper, stayed a little longer, or caught more of the words that fell from Lu Han’s mouth, he would have known the other was articulating his pain.

 

_Darling, I thought you were a house at dusk when you welcome me like home; but then you sail away like a ship as the dawn is breaking, leaving me this ache in my bones._

 

But Jongin only knew to slip under the sheets of Lu Han’s bed at night and disappear in the morning. He knew to construct a passionate wonderland of blankets and writhing bodies, assembling sweet wreckage out of whimpers and moans from the boy with the doe eyes. He knew not about the ticking time bomb he left by Lu Han’s bed the night he said the latter was more beautiful than all the lovers he ever had. In addition, he was oblivious of when he had made a lover out of the other boy, even as he devoured his cracking lips and mapped territories onto his skin and climbed the ladders of his naked ribs. Not even when he sang the boy’s name like a poignant lullaby, _Luhan, baby, you are so fine._

Jongin knew nothing. And saw nothing when Sehun pointed out the cracks in Lu Han’s smile, the way it was becoming more like the moon with its borrowed light, instead of the sun with its own shine.

He proceeded to chip away at Lu Han’s defenses, consume him like a forest fire, all the while painfully ignorant that the latter had long surrendered to the madness of it all. That for all that he was taking, he had already been forgiven. That Lu Han was merely waiting for the explosion, the end he knew will come eventually.

 

_Sweetheart, all I have to lose is myself, and you can take me; there is no one else._

 

Jongin knew not of the end, because he knew not of the beginning. His focus was on the in-between, when it had become habit to make fucking the prelude to Lu Han’s sleep. There was no awareness to be held, no point in hesitating, no guilt to swallow, because this was just sex. This was only a series of duets the night was hosting—there were other songs being sung elsewhere.

And he was just a dark-skinned boy, feeding on the fantasies of a pale-skinned one, giving himself up too for the other’s taking. There was no need to convince himself this was something else, he knew it was not. Except he was gravely mistaken.

Now… now he knows. The memories replay in his mind with clarity as sharp as a pointed blade. He can now see the sunbeams in Lu Han’s eyes every night when he opened his bedroom door to find Jongin had been the one to come knocking. He can now hear the words that tore at Sehun when Lu Han rejected him, saying, _Sorry, I already gave my heart to someone else, and I don’t want to take it back._

Sehun had smiled thinly and replied with _I hope he treats you well_ —

Only to get caught in heartrending confusion when he heard the other murmur, _He doesn’t even know I exist._

But Jongin is aware of Lu Han’s existence now. His ignorance starts flaking away just when Lu Han has disappeared, like Jongin used to do every morning—but this time drawing permanence—leaving no note, no goodbye kiss, perhaps taking back his heart and bringing Jongin’s as well. What he now knows is punishing him dreadfully. He wants to ask why Lu Han couldn’t have told him. But Lu Han did tell him, every night when he had smiled and whispered Jongin’s name with reverence like a proper lover should.

Is this the end? Has the bomb exploded? But Jongin is still alive, even as he thinks his heart is already dead. Now he’s lost as to what to do in the meantime, while waiting for his true end—when life has been torn from his body the last time. The days and the nights have no distinction now. And it irks him when he has to straighten the unmade bed, the sheets tangling like when they’d mix with bodies colliding. Reminders are everywhere of the sweet destruction he had executed upon Lu Han, which the latter had always forgiven him for.

 

But now it’s Jongin who can’t forgive himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am working on a multi-chaptered maybe-sequel for this on my AFF account.


	3. It doesn't take a lot to break somebody's heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are four different stories. The last one is fem!Luhan (also originally a blog post by me somewhere.)  
> This is for Andi, a newly converted KaiLu shipper, I'll bleed ink if the words I write will make you smile.

 

 

 

 

 

"Please, Lu Han. Please just tell me the truth."

"I—I don't want to see you get hurt."

"Then close your eyes," Jongin says, because it's not like Lu Han is going to hear his heart breaking either.

 

***

 

Lu Han feels like even his own skin has become a foreign terrain. Where there used to be spots in which love landed like soft rain, the land is now barren, bereft of kisses that are now long gone. Where he used to orbit around Jongin, his sun, the love of his life, his body is now a planet adrift in an unknown celestial sky. Lu Han is stranger to his own body when it lays on the bed, now only one.

 

***

 

"It's not entirely your fault, Sehun," Jongin says bitterly.

"What do you mean?"

"Lu Han wouldn't have let you steal him from me if he didn't want you to."

 

***

 

She hastily took off her shoe and flung it at Jongin. She let out a victorious “Ha!” when it smacked the back of his head. Lu Han wanted him to hurt so badly she could hit him with anything now. But in truth, any physical offense would harm him only by a whisker, incomparable to the ache she felt inside.

Somehow, she knew she had hurt him with the hit, if only for a little, but it shall heal. By tomorrow, or the next day perhaps, the pain will subside. But the chasm he created in her broken heart, could it be filled by any other?

He stopped walking and resolved to turn around to face her, if only for the space of a heartbeat. But he resisted the urge and continued on his way.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Everything is cross-posted from my AFF account.


End file.
